Trophy

“She sings really well!”
And mutters to me, “Show them!”
But when I hear myself sing,
I don’t sound how they say I do.
But my opinion of my voice
How much does it matter,
When I am just a trophy
Behind  the glass display case.

Everyone else wants to showcase
What someone else can do.
“Encouragement”, they call it.

“His drawings are out of the world!”
And tells me, “Show them!”
But he could see where the lines went wrong
And the colour is off by a shade.
But an artist’s opinion of his own art,
Does it really matter,
When he’s just a trophy
Behind the glass display case.

But that someone else
May not be sure of what they can do.
“Self-doubt,” is what they call it.

“She plays the violin beautifully!”
And asks her, “Play for them, will you?”
But is that really a question
Because when she played,
She could hear when the bow squeaked
And feel when her fingers slipped.
The real answer, did it really matter,
When she’s just a trophy
Behind the glass display case.

When they ultimately perfect it
And are ready for the world,
“Confidence,” they call it.

 

Foundations of Patriarchy

My family likes to believe that they are liberal and outgoing and what not, and strangely enough, they genuinely believe so.

But, to quote my mother, “We are liberal, but traditional people.”

My mother, a homemaker, has always felt that we don’t respect her enough for the work she does. But recently, I have come to the conclusion that she herself is not convinced that what she is doing important work, and the respect she wishes from all of us (and claims not to receive)

My father was doing the dishes last night, and my mother was a walking ball of fury.

“How can you let him wash the dishes! Why can’t you and your sister do it!” she hissed.

Her logic was that my father had just come back from work (he is on rotational duty – he works on the sea for 4 weeks, and has a break for 4 weeks) and needed a break. My sister and I were both doing our homework, and when we pointed this out to her, she said that it was okay, and she would do it herself.

So I heard her going to the kitchen, wrenching the vessels away from my father, telling him repeatedly, “You don’t need to this kind of work.

My mother, I think, thinks that as the earning member of the family, my father deserves to just be on an eternal break! This may seem like a simple enough reason, but the truth is everyone has work; my mother works day in and day out, my sister is currently on vacation but busy with her homework and I have college deadlines to meet.

This stream of thought I think generates from the simple idea that men’s place is not the kitchen! Is it because they are clumsy and cannot do this type of work?

No. It is because they “earn.”

This might seem a valid enough explanation, but I remember the time my mother used to work as well. She was contributing to the family income too! BUT she still did all the work; only my sister and I could help and my father was not supposed to be involved in work like this (although he really does like to help out, which is a different story altogether!)

Her saying “…this kind of work…” is, according to me, an indication of sorts that she does not deem it important enough.

But from another perspective, my father is the only one with a lot of time on his hands, and if he was allowed to do some chores at home, the routine and my mother’s burden would be so much simpler!

What made me most irritable about this, was how my mother demanded respect but did not deem her work respectable enough for my father to do!

To uproot gender differences in the society, it must start at home, where there should not be distinction between work that men and women do.

Supernatural: Agent Beyonce and Agent Z!

I am so disoriented right now! It was a good episode… till it reached that godawful ending!

The Winchester Blood

I enjoyed the boys interacting with their mother so much! It was such a treat, drawing similarities between them and the openly happy Dean.

The conversation Sam and Dean had in the cemetery was one of my favourite scenes because their acknowledging that they have problems dealing with emotions is great character development.

“…like mother, like sons…” – Sam Winchester

Agents Beyonce and Jay-Z

Castiel was great in this episode! (Although when he told Mary that he still doesn’t fit in, it broke my heart a little!)

His search for Lucifer was predictable, though I doubt he’ll actually call the boys if he needs help.

“Do you think that happens to Sam and Dean?” – Castiel when the door was shut in his face.

I am curious to see what they will do ultimatly if they do face Lucifer… I mean, he is an archangel! I am sure the angel blade that Cas was carrying is not enough!

And there is of course, the post-Lucifer change there seems to be in Cas. He seems angrier, sassier and impatient! Tumblr theorizes that it is because there is a remnant of Lucifer’s soul still in him and maybe Lucifer has a remnant of Castiel in him (I don’t see that, honestly. Vince-Lucifer is so much more… CRASS, than the Nick-Lucifer.)

All Hail Rowena!

I thought she was done for in this episode. I even felt bad for her; a lot like Sam, actually – wanting out, but the family business pulling them back into jobs they wanted nothing to do with.

When she started casting that spell for Lucifer, her sudden compliance did make me suspicious, but she just banished Lucifer to the… ocean!?

This is a new thing for Supernatural, a female character fending for herself without dying.

“…if you get Lucifer cornered and find yourself in need, I’m there…” – Rowena to Agents Beyonce and Z.

This might have been the only nice thing Rowena has ever volunteered to do.

Mary’s Adjustment Issues

I knew she was finding it difficult to be there. So did Sam. I knew from episode one, where this was headed, but I did not think that’s how she’d leave!

She was snatched out of heaven, where she had her two little boys and her husband, and put back on earth where her sons were grown-up and her husband was dead.

“…Every moment I spend with you reminds of every moment I lost with them…” – Mary to the boys.

She might as well have said that she could not stand being around them! I was so dejected, and I don’t think I have ever seen Dean this hurt. When he backed away from Mary, I wanted to scream.

And when Mary started to head out of the bunker, she did not even look back and when Sam winced as the door shut… I sat in front of my laptop for a few seconds, unsure of what had happened.

HOW COULD MARY LEAVE!?

As Tumblr rightly put it, for Dean, his mother had been a mythical icon of perfection; she was even there in his heaven. But she left him… the boy with abandonment issues had been left by his mother, again. And I would really like to see some serious impact this has on him.

I get it and I saw it coming, but I thought her exit would be eased in to the show. It would have been less heartbreaking if Sam and Dean saw with each episode how uncomfortable she was and then, when Mary decided to leave, they’d be in full support of her! Maybe even suggest it themselves.

But of course, when has Supernatural ever tried to be less heartbreaking for its fans!

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to sit in a corner and cry.

Supernatural:”Keep Calm and Carry On” – A Heartbreaking Family Business.

I started watching the first episode of the new season with a nervous excitement. Especially given how, during the hiatus, I scoured the internet for spoilers and knowing, made me all the more nervous!

So the last season left us with a happy celestial reunion and a return gift – Mary Winchester. And of course, Sam being shot by Toni Bevell (Elizabeth Blackmore), British Men of Letters.

This episode was, according me, worth the wait! Although Sam still thinks Dean is dead, the episode was a great episode! The search for Sam was steady, with just the right dose of humour and emotional moments.

Mamma’s back!

Honestly, I love Mary! When she first sees Dean and attacks him, is one of my favourite moments in the episode (and follows after is definitely an emotional reunion)

And of course, Mary’s, “Hey sweetheart, remember me?” to the Impala. Then, Dean realizes that John and Mary had some “fun” in the backseat of the car. It was quite a comical moment.

You simply don’t mess with Mamma Winchester, especially when you lie about not knowing of your son’s whereabouts!

I like the idea of Sam and Dean having a parent, especially Mary, who has for most part been absent from their lives.

Castiel, the ex-vessel of Lucifer

Throughout the episode, he seemed on the edge (well, who wouldn’t be after Lucifer lived in your body for days!) and a little out of form.

And his relief at seeing Dean was touching. Wait till Sam finds out that Dean is alive!

And his “jerk temperament” was hined at by Misha Collins during the hiatus. At some point in the season, Dean will obviously talk to Cas about it and I am wondering what will happen when Cas finally loses his restraint.

The British (Not. English.) Men of Letters

Well Toni Bevell seems like an interesting character, to say the least. She does not seem to have any bad intentions (although her means are quite questionable).

Bring on the hate if you will, but she does have a point about the primitive methods of the American hunters. It would be interesting to see them collaborate, to make America as safe as Britain because the Men of Letters’ meticulous planning and organisation. (This might even be a premise for the show to end… not that I want it to, but just a thought…) What she wants does not seem too unreasonable but she does not seem to understand that the end does not justify the means… means of torture, that is!

There is a rumour going around that Toni might be a love interest to Sam, but I highly doubt it, although there is a very minuscule possibility. Personally, that might be interesting. I say that there is possibility because during the hiatus, one of the producers said that through the season, Dean and Sam might not be on the same page about certain things, and the “certain things” could easily be Sam inclining to working with the Men of Letters because that fits his ideology of “research” and “planning”.

One thing is evident: this season is definitely about the Men of Letters because the title/logo has the MoL symbol in the background.

Dean Winchester

I was crying when he hugged his Mom and they sat down on a bench and talked. It has been evident that Dean had been really close to his mother through the previous seasons and when they finally met, I just couldn’t not cry.

I liked how the search for Sam was methodical and steady, and not unrealistically rushed. And now, Toni Bevell knows he’s alive and coming for Sam.

Though some say the Dean underreacted to his mother being alive, I think that that was extremely in character, given how he has never been quite expressive.

It broke my heart when Dean was giving out details to Mary about her life and when the MoL car hit theirs and Mary was unconscious, he was really scared… scared that he might have lost her too soon, again.

And next episode is going to be so promising! The brothers need to reunite soon because it is very odd watching an episode where they are not working together.

“Screw you!” said Sam “Sassy” Winchester, again and again and again.

For someone who was padlocked to a chair, Sam was quite confident. The sass was strong with this one.

This episode was one of Jared Padalecki’s best in the series. Being tortured, his reaction to it and also the borderline insane fury was very well depicted in the episode.

One thing I did not understand fully well was why he was resisting Toni (aside from being shot in the leg). She did seem to have a point and all she wanted were some answers. I do understand as to why he would not give away the other hunters, but otherwise, his resistance did not completely make sense to me.

Toni herself seems a little disturbed by both Sam’s resistance and condition. And that other woman Mary killed was really getting on my nerves (Hail, Mary!)

This episode also showed the full extent of Sam’s strength, including his wits when being partially drugged when he tricks Toni into believing that he is going to kill himself.

Crowley on the Hunt

There was Crowley in the episode as well, hunting for Lucifer, following the trail of bodies with their eyes burned out.

Lucifer seems to be supported by the demons of Hell, who have lost all respect for Crowley.

Conclusion

I would really like to see Mary and John communicate somehow, and have them discuss the aftermath of her death. And I really hope Chuck appears again!

And I can’t wait for Jody and Mary to meet!

I do know for sure that Mary is going to read John’s journal, which I cannot wait for! It is going to emotional for sure.

There was also speculation that Mary might have more to her past than we know about, and I cannot wait to see what that is and how it ties up to the plot (Won’t it be great if Toni and Mary know each other from before? Unlikely, but it would be interesting).

I loved this episode and am looking forward to what looks like a promising season.

Red Chaos

Embroiled in tentacles of helplessness
I feel my breath leave my lungs.
My heart always on my sleeve,
Lost.
My mind restlessly searching,
Trying to find reason amidst all the chaos.

Chaos spotted with shades of red,
Blood or love or anger, I can’t tell.

The clock ticks and the light fades,
As sleep threatens to drown me,
With gnarled hands of wishful dreams
Which could never condense into reality.
The pain of losing what never was,
Like regret borne of a decision never made.

Thoughts: Once Upon a Time S06 – E01 and E02

[SPOILER(s) ALERT!]

Episode 1

It was a long wait… a rather long wait.

Three of us were watching it, lights dimmed, eating pizza.

The episode, while opening with a scene of Aladdin and Jaffar, mainly dealt with the entering of characters from the Land of Untold Stories to Storybrooke, onset of Emma’s visions of some kind and Gold attempting to Belle. There is also of course, the lingering aftereffects of Robin’s death on Regina and the resulting tension between Zelena and her.

The Evil Queen, now more vindictive and cunning than ever, is back. And as expected, she wants to eliminate Regina.

An interesting element in the episode was Belle’s father refusing to attempt to wake her, because he’d rather she be in a coma than wake up to be with Gold. Gold then resorts to dreams, to wake her up, and meets Morpheus!(!)

By the end of it, we found the episode to have been too short and some what predictable. Zelena, once again being predictable, Emma once again faced with a burden (the protagonists seem surprisingly thick-skulled, always lying and hiding truths from their loved ones for “their own safety”… But of course, how else could a new season take place!), Regina doubting herself.

What I liked in the episode:

  1. It had premiered at last!
  2. Gold using dreams to get to Belle and the consequence of doing so (!)

What I didn’t like in the episode:

  1. Regina‘s self-righteous attitude with Zelena and not seeing that both of them had lost men they loved and not just Zelena, who was trying to be the way her sister wanted her to be.
  2. The predictable consequence of the sisters’ tiff.
  3. Emma being burdened with more and KEEPING IT A SECRET AGAIN. IT’S BEEN FIVE SEASONS, DID YOU NOT LEARN!
  4. No change at all in Rumpelstiltskin’s nature and choices (You’d think he’d change after all this while!)

Predictions (SPOILERS):

  1. The red bird Emma followed was probably Iago, Jaffar’s pet bird, as seen in Disney.
  2. The hooded figure Emma is fighting in her visions, is Jaffar, as is the girl the bird lead Emma to.

Episode 2

This episode was not one of my favourite.

It revolves around a new character, Count of Monte Cristo (!?), who Regina had hired long ago to kill the Charmings. Along with this, Regina finds out that The Evil Queen is alive, while the tension continues between Zelena and Regina, and the former decides to side with The Evil Queen (Am I surprised? No.). Emma meanwhile, visits Archie for counselling.

The Evil Queen is apparently trying to prove that the darkness in Regina will never go away. Why doesn’t this make sense? Because hadn’t Regina separated herself from her evil counterpart? So what  darkness did Regina exactly still “suppress” within herself? (unless she did a bad job of the separation)

Towards the end, once again, it felt like too short an episode, with many loopholes.

What I liked in the episode:

  1. Emma confided at least in Archie about her visions.
  2. Snow “Badass” White was back for a while. Mary Margaret is (too) nice, but I still missed strategist fighter, Snow White.

What I didn’t like in the episode:

  1. Emma’s suspecting Regina. Again!
  2. Count Monte Cristo and his reinterpretation being introduced (and being killed!?) in the show! He’s a character from a classic book and I didn’t like the idea of involving magic in his story.
  3. This episode had some bad editing and videography.
  4. Loophole in terms of Regina having “darkness” in her(?!)
  5. When were Rumpelstiltskin and The Evil Queen even sexual!? Where did that even come from!

Of Fire and Vines

Something within me awakened,
Familiar,
Which lay to rest long ago.
I felt it creep, prodding old wounds,
Grinning at the scars,
Malicious.
Like a weed that manifests,
Incessant,
It sprang fresh, around my heart.
And I ran,
As I felt it grow,
Creeping like rose vines
That never bloomed
But the thorns not resting,
Scraping off what remained.
Of what remained,
Some yet untouched,
Others just healed.

Something within me awakened,
Familiar,
Which lay to rest long ago.
A warm feeling,
Unwelcome.
So I run,
Run like I never did before
From the fire that came slithering
Singing old wounds,
Chuckling at scars,
Waiting to carve them back
And make them bleed again.
The warmth became heat,
Threatening to turn into fire
That would burn the remnants
Of what little was left.
The remnants,
Some yet untouched,
Others just healed.

A Piece of Silence

She sat on her bed, staring out the window right above it. The only light in the room flooded in through the window;a full moon.

The buildings around hers mostly had their lights out except for a lit up square here and there. The city lights were scattered in the darkness, standing out in the slumbering city. Once in a while a car would zoom across on the road behind the buildings.

She sat there, simply gazing. She both loved and feared this time of the day. She finally could have her thoughts to herself, uninterrupted.

“What’re you thinking about?”


“Are you okay?”



“Why are you so distant!”


“Why so serious?”


“Do you even know how to smile?”

“Stop daydreaming!”


“Why do you look like that?”

“Where’re are you going?”


“Why not, it’s just a movie!”
“Let’s all go out!”
“What’re you writing?”
“Okay?”
“What’s this?”
“What’s that?”
“Did you hear?”

It’llBeGreat!YouSure? ComeOn!Let’sGo!Don’tGo!What!Why!Where!How!When!

“LET ME BE!…I’m fine…”

But then again, all the thoughts interrupted through the day, would be the very thoughts she made attempts to run away from. It was a grand castle she tried to build through the day, but someone always pelted it down. Then at night, in the peace and quiet, she finally built that castle, it turned out not quite right; the turrets were a little off, the roof was giving away, the moat was too wide, and the drawbridge just a little too short.

Of Fangirls and Fandoms #3 – Shipping Ships and OTP : Level 2

I

Level 2. Yes, there is a level 2.

Level 2, according to me, is when OTPs are not just fictional characters, but also the actors who play them! Blake Lively and Ryan Reylonds (Carol Ferris and Hal Jordan from Green Lantern), Jensen Ackles and Danneel Harris (Priestly and Tish from Ten Inch), Jared Padalecki and Genevieve Cortese (Sam and Ruby from Supernatural), Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas (Snow White and Charming on Once Upon a Time) Jennifer Morrison and Sebastian Stan (Emma and Mad Hatter from Once Upon a Time) for instance.

Here once again, it is irrespective of whether or not they are actually together! For example, Cockles (Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins from Supernatural), Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick (Chuck and Blair from Gossip Girl), Jennifer Morrison and Colin O’Donoghue (Once Upon a Time), etc.

This is fun as well, but one thing I really dislike is when people hate on their actual partners and say things like “You don’t deserve her/him! She/he does not belong with you!”

II

OTP also comes in the form of NOTP and BROTP. NOTP is the ship that you hate/do not see happening (Supernatural’s Dean and Amara, for example. My personal NOTP is Destiel and of course, Sam and Dean with the ship name WINCEST(!?)).

BROTP more or less enocompasses the bromance – Destiel, Sam and Dean, J2 (Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles), Oliver and Diggle from Arrow,  etc.

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